Salut à tous !
Je suis en seconde. Nous avions un "essay" à faire en anglais. Je ne sais pas si vous avez lu The boy in the striped pyjamas, mais ce n'est pas très grave si vous ne l'avez pas lu pour m'aider 😜 Nous devions nous mettre à la place de Bruno, le personnage principal (9ans), et lui faire écrire une lettre à quelqu'un qui vivait à Berlin pour lui raconter ce qu'il s'est passé (il a déménagé à cause du travail de son père, qui, on le comprend, s'occupe d'un camp de concentration).
Nous devions faire autour de 240 mots, donc ce n'est pas très long et il faut aller à l'essentiel, c'est pas évidemment. Merci d'avance pour vos conseils, suggestions !
Dear cousin,
My life has changed…
One day, I found Maria packing my belongings. I thought I was sent away, but I did not understand why: I had behaved according to the house rules. “We all are” Mother told me. Because of father’s job.
I wonder whether I did something bad or not. Perhaps If I had been nicer, we would not have leaved.
I think about father: what is his job ? To be honest with myself, I have never known the answer. I just can say that some men with splendid uniforms work for him, and for the Fury. It’s very strange, isn’t it? Nevertheless, I know father is in no way a bad man. Although he hides something, father is father. As he is my dad, I have to respect him.
I look forward to coming back home. I am eager to see my best friends for life. But I am stuck in this such horrible house !
Yet, my mother advised me to make the best of bad situation.
Well… I can do this. Indeed, as longer as I will stay in Out-With (the mysterious name of the house), Gretel’s friends will not mock me because I am small. By the time I go to Berlin, I will have grown enough for the monsters not to mock me anymore.
Despite this thing, it is still difficult. Moreover, I hate the landscape, and the children outside don’t seem to be nice.
Bye !
Bruno.
That is
very good! There are one or two mistakes, and one or two expressions that are not really natural English.
Below I have flagged the points I would make if I were your teacher. (Mistakes in blue, my corrections and remarks in red.)
I hope this is helpful.
ecriture a écrit :
One day, I found Maria packing my belongings. I thought I washad been sent away,
but I did not understand why: I had behaved according to the house rules. “We all are” Mother told me.
We all are what? Should this be "We are all leaving." ?
(NB: "are all" rather than "all are" if the adjective or participle is explicit.)
Because of father’s job.
I wonder whether I didhad done something bad or not. Perhaps If I had been nicer, we would not have leaved.
"to leave" is irregular; check the past participle!
I think about father: what is his job ? To be honest with myself, I have never known the answer. I just can say that some men with splendid uniforms work for him, and for the Fury. It’s very strange, isn’t it? Nevertheless, I know father is in no way a bad man. Although he hidesis hiding something, father is father.
As he is my dad, I have to respect him.
I lookam looking forward to coming back home.
I am eager to see my best friends for life.
I am not sure what this means. Perhaps "I am eager to see the best friends I have had in my life". I think "I am eager to see my best friends again." would be enough.
But I am stuck in this such horrible house !
In English you cannot use "such" with a definite article or a demonstrative; say "stuck in such a horrible house!"; or "stuck in this really horrible house".
Yet, my mother has advised me to make the best of a bad situation.
Well… I can do this. Indeed, as longer as I will stay in Out-With (the mysterious name of the house),
"as long as I stay", although this means "à condition que je reste"; if you want to give the idea of a period of time, you need "while I stay".
Gretel’s friends will not mock me because I am small. By the time I go to Berlin, I will have grown enough for the monsters not to mock me anymore.
Despite this thing, it is still difficult. Moreover, I hate the landscape, and the children outside don’t seem to be nice.
Bye !
Bruno.
Thank you for your help 😉
We all are what? Should this be "We are all leaving." ?
Actually, it's a quote, the mother says "we all are" in the book.
I am not sure what this means. Perhaps "I am eager to see the best friends I have had in my life". I think "I am eager to see my best friends again." would be enough.
The boy is 9, and he always says "my best friends for life" in the book, I thought it would be good if I put it in my essay.
"as long as I stay", although this means "à condition que je reste"; if you want to give the idea of a period of time, you need "while I stay".
I thought this meant "aussi longtemps que je resterai". But if it means "à condition que je reste", how do you say "aussi longtemps que je resterai" ?
I thought I was had been sent away
I did had done something bad or not
Well, I didn't understand when I have to use the preterit and when it's not good.
And when is it better to say "I am looking forward" than "I look forward" ?
That is very good!
Thank you very much 😀 But, I just want to know : why is my essay good ? (I like to know what are the good things in my works).
(I am sure I have made many mistakes in my answer 🙄 )
ecriture a écrit :Thank you for your help 😉
You are welcome!
We all are what? Should this be "We are all leaving." ?
Actually, it's a quote, the mother says "we all are" in the book.
She must be replying to something: e.g. "Am I leaving?" "We all are."
Another example: "How many pupils are going on the field trip?" "They all are."
Without the question, the answer doesn't make sense!
I am not sure what this means. Perhaps "I am eager to see the best friends I have had in my life". I think "I am eager to see my best friends again." would be enough.
The boy is 9, and he always says "my best friends for life" in the book, I thought it would be good if I put it in my essay.
"These are my best friends for life." = "Ce sont mes meilleurs amis pour toute la vie."
In French you would not say "J'ai envie de voir mes meilleurs amis pour toute la vie"; you would have to say something like "J'ai envie de voir ceux qui seront mes meilleurs amis pour toute ma vie." it's the same in English, you need the context for it to make sense.
"as long as I stay", although this means "à condition que je reste"; if you want to give the idea of a period of time, you need "while I stay".
I thought this meant "aussi longtemps que je resterai". But if it means "à condition que je reste", how do you say "aussi longtemps que je resterai" ?
while I stay
I thought I was had been sent away
I did had done something bad or not
Well, I didn't understand when I have to use the preterit and when it's not good.
When the action of the secondary verb happened before the action of the main verb (and usually when the main verb is in the past), you need the pluperfect.
So "I think I have done something wrong" → "I thought I had done something wrong."
I wonder whether I had done something wrong (i.e. before we left Berlin)
And when is it better to say "I am looking forward" than "I look forward" ?
When the "looking forward" is a state of being (although in a formal letter you might write "I look forward to hearing from you," but that is not how a young boy would write to a friend!)
That is very good!
Thank you very much 😀 But, I just want to know : why is my essay good ? (I like to know what are the good things in my works).
Most of what I have not corrected is good!
NB - I am English, and I know what sounds right but I don't always know all the rules so as to explain it properly.
Thank you 😀
You are english ? I saw one of your topic in french, and I thought you were french 🙂
