Anglais - Correction et petite aide…

- Merci !
- Oui, apparemment, c'était un discours d'élection…
- Merci, je vais essayer de l'exploiter !

COUNTRY

Positive arguments

1- Nature around:
To begin with, one of the best advantages (most important advantages ?) is the life in symbiosis with the nature. Indeed, living in the country is living in the middle of vegetation and enjoy what the nature offers us. On the evening, when you go out, you can get pleasure out of beautiful landscapes composed of trees, fields of wheat, valleys, bushes and animals: *you have the luck to* be a witness to a magic sight.

2- Quiet life:
Besides, the country is a very quiet *place of life*. In fact, while living in the country, you live with people used to respect the silence. To make up in silence, to get up in silence, to have breakfast in silence is very relaxing, it is an important fact to be in good health.

*…* Ce que j'ai traduit "mot à mot" avec un dictionnaire, et donc sans doute faux.

Je trouve le deuxième paragraphe peu développé et mal construit, j'aimerais votre opinion !

Merci beaucoup,
Zadek

[quote=Zadek
COUNTRY

Positive arguments

1- Nature *around:
To begin with, one of the **best advantages (most important advantages ?) is life in symbiosis with nature. Indeed, living in the country is living in the middle of vegetation and enjoy what the nature offers us. On the evening, when you go out, you can get pleasure out of beautiful landscapes composed of trees, fields of wheat, valleys, bushes and animals: you have the ***luck to be a witness to a ****magic sight.

2- Quiet life:
Besides, the country is a very quiet place *****of life. In fact, while living in the country, you live with people used to °respect the silence. To make up in silence, to get up in silence, to have breakfast in silence is very relaxing, it is an important fact to be in good health.[/quote]
*Surroundings, environment
**good/better/best (qualitatif) great/greater/greatest ou big/bigger/biggest (quantitif).
*** good luck (or better good fortune) or chance
****Magic is a noun.
*****Infinitive.
° Gerund.
(2) Meeting country folk with their wisdom from centuries of experience. Village traditions.
Possibility to raise chickens and collect eggs. Have a domestic animal who is not afraid to go outdoors alone. Keep a pony or a goat. Not all town houses have gardens: growing vegetables, fruit trees. Own a larger house: more convenient for raising a bigger family or inviting friends.

{Of course, it's better not to take into account the noise from heavy farm machinery passing the door or the aeroplanes passing overhead from the nearby Airforce base, or the smells from the local piggery….. :/}

En ce qui concerne article/pas d'article, je n'ai rien trouvé de simple sur la toile, mais ces liens pourraient t'être utiles.

C'est gentil de prendre du temps à me corriger et m'accompagner dans mon apprentissage de l'anglais ! Mais, en ce qui concerne du "j'ai du mal à développer mon deuxième paragraphe", je parlais du "Quiet Life", parce qu'en fait, on a établi en cours plusieurs thèmes comme celui-ci et je ne peux pas étoffer d'autres arguments (pour ceux qui souhaitent rendre leur travail) ! Je suis un peu gêné de devoir vous dire que ce que vous avez cherché pour moi ne peut être réinvesti dans mon travail… C'est simplement (…) Quiet Life qui m'embête un peu: je n'arrive pas à développer !

Merci de tout votre investissement,
Zadek

En fait, comme j'indiquais, ce n'est pas si silencieux que ça, vivre à la campagne.
Ce sont souvent les cloches de l'église qui me réveillent à 7h du mat' .
(Elles ponctuent trois fois la journée du travail).

Mais on y repose, on y retrouve ses "origines", on recharge les battéries pour les jours de travail qui viennent.

Merci beaucoup Il faut dire que j'habite moi-même à la campagne, mais loin de l'église donc généralement, ce sont les poules du voisin qui ont l'affront de me réveiller !

J'ai donc développé, à l'aide de vos idées, le paragraphe sur le coût onéreux du logement et l'importance du crime en ville !

More crime:
Besides, there is more and more crime in the town than in the city. If your accommodation is in the suburbs, you run the risk to have your car stolen, to be mugged, to be raped and to be killed. Suberbs have a bad repute because of the violence which prevails in them; that's why town are a very dangerous place to live.

Expensive housing:
Finally, when people go to live in the town, it's because they will find accommodations but what they don't know is that the housing is more and more expensive. Indeed, a person who pay a lot of money will be able to have a big apartment in the center of the town, but an underprivileged person will have to take a little apartment on the outskirts of the town. It is only interesting for rich people because they have privileges in the center of the city which you don't have in the periphery.

Ensuite, le bruit dans la campagne (encore grâce à vos idées) :

Quiet Life:
Besides, the country is a very quiet place to live. In fact, living in the country is very relaxing thanks to the calm typical of the campaign. Naturally, the country is not characterized by a silence as the grave but the only noises you can hear are the Church's bell, the animal's scream, a tractor… And never car's horn or uproar all the night. Moreover, while living in the country, you live with people used to respecting the calm and people used to giving you a warm welcome.

En bleu, j'ai coloré tout ce que j'ai ajouté !
Je vous remercie beaucoup,
Zadek

Zadek a écrit :More crime:
Besides, there is *more and more crime in the town than in the city. If your accommodation is in the suburbs, you run the risk **to have your car stolen, to be mugged, to be raped and to be killed. Suberbs have a bad repute because of the violence which prevails in them; that's why town are a very dangerous place to live.

Expensive housing:
Finally, when people go to live in the town, it's because they will find accommodation but what they don't know is that the housing is more and more expensive. Indeed, a person who pay a lot of money will be able to have a big apartment in the ***center of the town, but an underprivileged person will have to take a little apartment on the outskirts of the town. It is only interesting for rich people because they have privileges in the center of the city which you don't have in the periphery.


Quiet Life:
Besides, the country is a very quiet place to live. In fact, living in the country is very relaxing thanks to the calm typical of the campaign. Naturally, the country is not ****characterized by a silence as the grave but the only noises you can hear are the Church's bell, the animal's scream, a tractor… And never car's horn or uproar all the night. Moreover, while living in the country, you live with people used to respecting the calm and people used to giving you a warm welcome.

* an increasing crime rate (taux de criminalité)
** a gerund would be better than the infinitive
*** To this American spelling, I prefer the English 'centre'
**** Idem 'characterised'

Quelle rapidité ! Comme toujours d'ailleurs ! J'ai regardé, modifié, et quelques petites choses me tourment !

More crime:
Besides, there is an increasing crime rate more important in the town than in the country. If your accommodation is in the suburbs, you run the risk having your car stolen, to be mugged, to be raped and to be killed. Suberbs have a bad repute because of the violence which prevails in them; that's why towns are a very dangerous place to live.

Expensive housing:
Finally, when people go to live in the town, it's because they will find accommodation but what they don't know is that the housing is more and more expensive. Indeed, a person who pays a lot of money will be able to have a big apartment in the center of the town, but an underprivileged person will have to take a little apartment on the outskirts of the town. It is only interesting for rich people because they have privileges in the center of the city which you don't have in the periphery.


Quiet Life:
Besides, the country is a very quiet place to live. In fact, living in the country is very relaxing thanks to its typical calm. Naturally, the country is not characterised by a silence as the grave but the only noises you can hear are the Church's bell, the animal's scream, a tractor… And never car's horn or uproar all the night. Moreover, while living in the country, you live with people used to respecting the calm and people used to giving you a warm welcome.

J'ai mis en rouge les mots ou expressions où je n'ai pas compris mon erreur !
J'ai fais une correction, reste-t-il des erreurs ?
En gras → Mes modifications !
Sinon, pour l'américain, je n'ai pas dus fait attention à l'annotation du dictionnaire, excusez-moi !
Merci de votre travail,
Zadek

Always a pleasure with you, Z. 🙂

- Spelling
- repute = estime publique (house of ill-repute=bordel; a writer of little repute). Rather old-fashioned. Reputation is more common.
- conditional tense
- which 'privileges'? I don't understand.
- "silent as the grave" is a common metaphor. It is unchangeable. Silence of the dead. As silent as the dead. Palpable silence.
- Very few animals "scream"; some screech, some growl, but most cry.
Humans scream!


"risk of having"

Merci pour cette correction ! Voici la "dernière tournée" !

II- COUNTRY:

1- Positive arguments:

c) No pollution:
Then, the country isn't as attacked by the pollution as the town. Indeed, country's roads are taken by few cars a day and country's inhabitants use their car very little. After that, countries are not usually related to the train, the plane or the underground… Moreover, people who live in the country respects the cleanness of the nature. So, it is true that the country is not polluted, which is a very important advantage for the people's health. [Trop peu développé ?]

d) People help each other more:
Besides, the point that ther's less people in the country than in the town eases relations and people helps each other more. In fact, people who lives in a village *se connaissent tous entre eux*, which is a big advantage for the integration. Moreover, if you have a problem, all the people would give you help: it brings friendly relationships and a trust climate. [pas très inspiré: peu développé je trouve]

2- Negative arguments:

a) Few things to do:
To begin with, the most important drawback of living in the country is the absence of activities. Indeed, when a family move out to go to the country, it has to think about what its children would be able to do. In fact, the country offers its inhabitants very few activities, or even no activities. It is very tricky for the children because they can't practise sport in club without travel, they can't take part in the theatre, there isn't holiday activity center for schoolchildren to occupe their holidays. It is awkward for young people too who wan't go out to see a film at the cinema or to see a theatre play… Then, the family can't stay in the surrounding area if it wants to spend its weekend because there isn't many activities to do in the country.

b) Far from everything:
Finally, living in the contry is living cut off from everything. Indeed, the country is not very lively, that's why factories prefer to set up somewhere else and the country's inhabitants are more and more dependent on the towns. In fact, the villages usually offers children a school but there is no high school and they have to go to the town by bus if the village is included in the distance of a bus, otherwise they have to go there by car. Moreover, there is seldoma grocery shop and hardly ever a supermarket; so mothers have to take her car to do some shopping. And when you work,you would have difficulties to find a decent job so you have to go to the town too. So living in the country is very inconvenient because you need take your car several once a day.

*…* Expression que je n'ai pas pu traduire !
En rouge: "plusieurs fois par jour" → Traduction peu sure

Merci de votre aide,
Zadek

Zadek a écrit :II- COUNTRY:

1- Positive arguments:

c) No pollution:
Then, the country isn't as affected by the pollution as the town. Indeed, country roads are taken by few cars a day and the country's inhabitants use their car very little*. Adter that, **countries are not usually related to the train, the plane or the undderground… Moreover, people who live in the country respects the cleanness of nature. So, it is true that the country is not _________ polluted***, which is a very important advantage for the people's health. [Trop peu développé ?]

d) People help each other more:
Besides, the point that ther's ****less people in the country than in the town eases relations and people helps each other more. In fact, people who lives in a village *****se connaissent tous entre eux, which is a big advantage for integration. Moreover, if you have a problem, all the people would give you help: it brings friendly relationships and a climate of trust. [pas très inspiré: peu développé je trouve]

2- Negative arguments:

a) Few things to do:
To begin with, the most important drawback of living in the country is the absence of activities. Indeed, when a family move out to go to the country, it has to think about what its children would be able to do. In fact, the country offers its inhabitants very few activities, or even no activities. It is very tricky for the children because they can't practise sport in a club without travelling, they can't take part in the theatre, there isn't holiday activity center for schoolchildren to occupe their holidays. It is awkward for young people too who wan't go out to see a film at the cinema or to see a theatre play… Then, the family can't stay in the surrounding area if it wants to spend its weekend because there isn't many activities to do in the country.

b) Far from everything:
Finally, living in the contry is living cut off from everything. Indeed, the country is not very lively, that's why factories prefer to set up somewhere else and the country's inhabitants are more and more dependent on the towns. In fact, the villages usually offers children a school but there is no °high school and they have to go to the town by bus if the village is included in the distance of a bus, otherwise they have to go there by car. Moreover, there is seldom a grocery shop and hardly ever a supermarket; so mothers have to take her car to do some shopping. And when you work,you would have difficulties to find a decent job so you have to go to the town too. So living in the country is very inconvenient because you need take your car several times during the week.

* Not true! There is very little public transport in the country (in France) so we have to use our cars a lot.
** Country = la campagne, mais country = pays aussi!
***Not really true either! Insecticides and chemical fertilisers really mess up the water!
****less = moins (on ne peut pas les compter), fewer = comparitif de few (one peut les compter)
*****will tend to know each other
° Although English people will recognise this American word which is sometimes also applied in England, I would prefer 'Secondary School'.

Fresh air
No pavements
Natural drainage
Country walks
Horse Riding
Bicycle
Jogging
Gardening
Sunbathing
Barbecue
Nosy neighbours
Fruit stealers
Garage sales
Feast of Saint John with bonfire

You're starting to be rather repetitive in your words ("activities" for instance) and arguments. 😐

J'ai fais la correction :

II- COUNTRY:

1- Positive arguments:

c) No pollution:
Then, the country isn't as affected by the pollution as the town. Indeed, country roads are taken by few cars a day and only the country's inhabitants use their car. After that, the countries are not usually related to the train, the plane or the underground… Moreover, people who live in the country respects the cleanness of the nature. So, it is true that the country is not polluted a lot, which is a very important advantage for the people's health.

d) People help each other more:
Besides, the point that there'sless people in the country than in the town eases relations and people help each other more. In fact, people who live in a village will tend to know each other, which is a big advantage for the integration. Moreover, if you have a problem, all the people would give you help: it brings friendly relationships and a climate of trust.

2- Negative arguments:

a) Few things to do:
To begin with, the most important drawback of living in the country is the absence of activities. Indeed, when a family move out to go to the country, it has to think about what its children would be able to do. In fact, the country offers its inhabitants very few activities, or even no activities. It is very tricky for the children because they can't practise sport in a club without travelling, they can't take part in the theatre, there isn't holiday activity center for schoolchildren to spend their holidays. It is awkward for young people too who wants go out to see a film at the cinema or to see a theatre play… Then, the family can't stay in the surrounding area if it wants to spend its weekend because there are not many activities to do in the country.

b) Far from everything:
Finally, living in the country is living cut off from everything. Indeed, the country is not very lively, that's why factories prefer to set up somewhere else and the country's inhabitants are more and more dependent on the towns. In fact, the villages usually offer children a school but there is no secondary school and they have to go to the town by bus if the village is included in the distance of a bus, otherwise they have to go there by car. Moreover, there is seldom a grocery shop and hardly ever a supermarket; so mothers have to take her car to do some shopping. And when you work,you would have difficulties to find a decent job so you have to go to the town too. So living in the country is very inconvenient because you need take your car several times during the week.

* Not true! There is very little public transport in the country (in France) so we have to use our cars a lot.

Oui, j'avais remarqué que je me contredisais avec la suite en copiant, mais je n'avais pas beaucoup de temps !

** Country = la campagne, mais country = pays aussi!

Je ne comprends pas cette remarque ? Mon utilisation de country prête-t-elle à confusion dans ces paragraphes ?

***Not really true either! Insecticides and chemical fertilisers really mess up the water!

Il faut toujours que j'exagère ! Sincèrement, je n'ai pas fait attention, c'est vrai que la campagne est polluée, comme partout…

****less = moins (on ne peut pas les compter), fewer = comparitif de few (one peut les compter)

Oui, j'ai revu ça pendant les vacances, mais l'utilisation de not as … as est-elle si peu répandue ?

° Although English people will recognise this American word which is sometimes also applied in England, I would prefer 'Secondary School'.

Oui, je l'avais appris mais j'avais un doute et mon dictionnaire ne semblait pas me l'indiquer (j'ai certainement mal regardé) !

Fresh air
No pavements
Natural drainage
Country walks
Horse Riding
Bicycle
Jogging
Gardening
Sunbathing
Barbecue
Nosy neighbours
Fruit stealers
Garage sales
Feast of Saint John with bonfire

Serait-ce de nouveaux arguments que je vois là ? C'est très gentil, mais comme je vous l'ai indiqué, je ne peux utiliser d'autres arguments…

You're starting to be rather repetitive in your words ("activities" for instance) and arguments.

Oui, c'est une très bonne remarque que je ne nie pas mais temporellement parlant, je n'ai plus le temps de recommencer mon texte. Etant donné que c'est un travail personnel, je rendrais ceci à mon professeur et le retravaillerais par la suite !
Plusieurs facteurs favorisent la répétition dans mon essay: le plan, j'aurais dût utiliser un plan qui compare arguments positifs et arguments négatifs des deux lieux, ce qui réduit considérablement les répétitions. Mais bon, c'est un enseignement qu'il m'aura été utile de tirer…

Ensuite, le style. J'ai essayé de me débrouiller au maximum, en utilisant le moins possible le dictionnaire (-_-) et je remarque que c'est mon vocabulaire qui me conduit à me répéter, etc… Je vais m'appliquer à apprendre le vocabulaire de cette expression écrite, celui de mon cours, des modules, … Mais comment améliorer mon vocabulaire ? Verbes irréguliers: appris. Faire des fiches de vocabulaires, oui, mais je ne sais pas comment sélectionner le vocabulaire, et j'aimerais des conseils de votre part car vous connaissez beaucoup de vocabulaire, et vos méthodes seraient les bienvenues !


Je réfléchis en même temps que j'écris et une idée vient de traverser mon esprit. Je vais rendre ce travail à mon professeur, en corrigeant les fautes de grammaire, et je recommencerais ma rédaction avec plus d'arguments plus personnels, et pourquoi pas en utiliser d'autres… Après tout, je travaille pour moi et non pour le personnel enseignant.

Gras-souligné: mes modifications.
Gras: Vos modifications.
Rouge: Je n'ai pas compris

Merci de votre investissement,
Zadek

PS: Petite chose que je pensais avoir compris, mais apparemment non. People, c'est du type He, She, It ou du type You, We, They ?

Don't worry. it's already not bad at all. 🙂
I don't pretend to have been exhaustive, though.
For style, try putting your adverbs somewhere other than at the beginning of sentences. :/

Zadek a écrit :1- Positive arguments:

c) No pollution:
Then, the country isn't as affected by the pollution as the town. Indeed, country roads are taken by °few cars a day and only the country's inhabitants use their car. After that, the °°countries are not usually related to the train, the plane or the underground… Moreover, °°°people who live in the country respects the cleanness of nature. So, it is true that the country is not polluted a lot, which is a very important advantage for people's health.

d) People help each other more:
Besides, the point that °°°°there'sless people in the country than in the town eases °°°°°relations and people help each other more. In fact, people who live in a village will tend to know each other, which is *a big advantage for the integration. Moreover, if you have a problem, all the people would give you help: it brings friendly relationships and a climate of trust.

2- Negative arguments:

a) Few things to do:
To begin with, the most important drawback of living in the country is the absence of **activities. Indeed, when a family ***move out to go to the country, it has to think about what its children would be able to do. In fact, the country offers its inhabitants very few activities, or even no activities. It is very tricky for the children because they can't practise sport in a club without travelling, they can't take part in the theatre, there isn't a holiday activity center for schoolchildren to spend their holidays in. It is awkward for young people°°° too who wants go out to see a film at the cinema or a theatre play… Then, the family can't stay in the surrounding area if it wants to spend its weekend because there are not many activities to do in the country.

b) Far from everything:
Finally, living in the country is living cut off from everything. Indeed, the country is not very lively, that's why factories prefer to set up somewhere else and the country's inhabitants are more and more dependent on the towns. In fact, the villages usually offer children a school but there is no secondary school and they have to go to the town by bus if the village is included on the bus route, otherwise they have to go there by car. Moreover, there is seldom a grocery shop and hardly ever a supermarket; so mothers have to take their car to do some shopping. And when you work,you would have difficulties to find a decent job so you have to go to the town too. So living in the country is very inconvenient because you need take your car several times during the week.

less = moins (on ne peut pas les compter), fewer = comparitif de few (one peut les compter)
Oui, j'ai revu ça pendant les vacances, mais l'utilisation de not as … as est-elle si peu répandue ?****

Fresh air Air Pollution
No pavements Walking to school in the mud
Natural drainage Fewer chemicals

Ensuite, le style. J'ai essayé de me débrouiller au maximum, en utilisant le moins possible le dictionnaire***** (-_-) et je remarque que c'est mon vocabulaire qui me conduit à me répéter, etc… Je vais m'appliquer à apprendre le vocabulaire de cette expression écrite, celui de mon cours, des modules, … Mais comment améliorer mon vocabulaire ?¹
²et j'aimerais des conseils de votre part car vous connaissez beaucoup de vocabulaire, et vos méthodes seraient les bienvenues !

°(only a) few cars each day
°°The countries = les pays (France, Angleterre, Danemark….)
°°°One person, several persons, many people (plural:we, You, they!)
°°°°There are fewer
°°°°°personal relations or relationships is better
*advantageous is a good word (beneficial, encouraging, which favours…..)
** things to do, or leisure time activities, occupation for your free time
***Interesting! A family (singular?) is a collective noun which implies more than one person. So we should treat it as a plural noun. (The singular 'move' suggests a subjunctive use).
****No, it's fine as a formula
*****An English dictionary gives you synonmes
¹ Lire beaucoup
² C'est très gentil, mais je n'ai pas de méthode! Je suis bilingue!!