Anglais - Correction et petite aide…

Bonsoir,

Je suis actuellement en Seconde, je suis un élève "dont le niveau est bon en anglais", enfin, ça, c'est ce que prétend ma professeur d'anglais qui m'attribue de bonnes notes ! Mais je n'ai pas confiance en mes capacités et en ses dires, peut-être devrais-je… Bref, tout ça pour arriver à une expression, non obligatoire, qui prépare à l'essai, dont nous avons un devoir à la rentrée ; le sujet portait sur "Is it better to live in town or in country ?". J'ai choisi le plan le plus simple:

INTRODUCTION
I- TOWN
a) Advantages
b) Disadvantages
II- COUNTRY
a) Advantages
b) Disadvantages
CONCLUSION

J'ai terminé la première partie (a) : avantages de la ville. Je vais donc vous exposer mon travail, en attendant une petite correction.

"The town is interesting for activities which it offers us, indeed, the town is more dynamic than the country. For example, living in town allow us to have shops at hand, we needn't take the car to go to the supermarkets. Moreover, the town is an opening to the culture thanks to the nearness with cinemas or theatres, we can say it's an open-mindedness on the world. As for meads of transport, the town presents a lot of advantages: bus, subway ; To move become (result ?) very easy. Finally, living in town is a luck for his career because of the presence of many factories which prefer set up in towns where theyr are sure to find candidates when theyr search ones. That's why mayors prefer install industrial estates where compagny managers can request a place for their business."

Tout d'abord, merci pour la correction que vous saurez me fournir. Il faut rappeler que mon niveau, quoi qu'en diront mes professeurs, reste assez bas.

Mais je trouve tout de même cette partie assez légère, non pour son contenu, mais pour ma qualité à tourner correctement mes phrases en anglais. Je ne me trouve pas au niveau et j'ai la ferme intention d'améliorer tout ça. J'ai pris, il y a déjà pas mal de temps, la décision d'enrichir mon vocabulaire d'anglais au moyen d'une multitude d'expressions écrites à réaliser: je commence tout juste. J'ai fait la même chose en parallèle en espagnol, où cela m'a été largement profitable: amélioration du niveau et confiance en moi. Mais là, mon anglais, reste assez douteux.

En tout cas, mon enseignante d'anglais m'attribue le niveau B1 sur l'ensemble de mes expressions écrites, ce qui est l'objectif de fin de seconde. Elle m'a attribué la moyenne 18/20 au 1er trimestre et 16/20 au deuxième trimestre. Sans vous fier à ces moyennes, pensez-vous que, au vu de mon expression, le niveau seconde est là ? Croyez-vous que je peux vraiment envisager une première Littéraire.

Mes moyennes, on peut le dire, sont assez bonnes, voire excellente ! Mais quelle facilité, pour moi, d'apprendre mon cours et le réciter en devoir…

J'attends la lumière de vos lanternes,
Zadek

Zadek a écrit :"The town is interesting for ______activities which it offers us, indeed, the town is more dynamic than the country. For example, living in town allow us to have shops at hand, we needn't take the car to go to the supermarkets. Moreover, the town is an opening to the culture thanks to the nearness with cinemas or theatres, we can say it's an open-mindedness on the world. As for meads of transport, the town presents a lot of advantages: bus, *subway ; To movebecome (result ?) very easy. Finally, living in town is a luck for his career because of the presence of many factories which prefer set up in towns where theyr are sure to find candidates when theyr search ones. That's why mayors prefer_______ install industrial estates where compagny managers can request a place for their business."

Il faudrait éviter de traduire ton essai français en anglais, pour passer à l'étape qui consiste à construire des phrases directement en anglais, même si elles te semblent plus simples.

Bonjour,

Merci de votre aide mais je n'ai pas fais d'essai en français ! J'ai directement construit mes phrases en anglais ! Sinon, tout ce qui est souligné comporte des erreurs ?

Zadek

Ah!
Oui, les soulignements montrent des expressions à corriger.
Parfois c'est un accord de verbe avec le sujet, parfois c'est un mauvaix choix dans la forme du verbe (conjugué, gérondive, infinitif…),parfois c'est que je ne comprends pas ce que tu veux dire.

* Subway est américain.

Tu porrais faire une petite expansion de "activities" en mentionnant quelques unes.

Bonjour,

Merci encore de toute votre aide ! Ne devrais-je pas tout simplement recommencer ? Et repartir sur de meilleures bases ?

Zadek

Si tu as le temps.

Towns have a good reputation for services and amenities. One may well choose to live there because…..

Young people like to go out together…..


Liviing and working in towns, young mothers don't have much time for lunch….

Ok.
Mais j'ai du mal à développer mes arguments ! Je ne sais pas comment étoffer mes parties… Un conseil ?

"One may well choose to live there because" Je ne comprends pas celle-ci.

Merci beaucoup pour l'aide fournie, je vous rendrais compte de mon travail,
Zadek

C'était très sympathique de votre part de me proposer d'autres arguments mais je ne peux, malheureusement, ajouter ou modifier ceux vus en cours. J'ai retenté l'histoire, je trouve cela encore plus médiocre que le premier essai, ce n'est pas assez développé etc… Je ne sais plus quoi faire, un sentiment de nullité m'envahit de jour en jour.

1) Shops at hand:
One of (the most important) advantages in the town is having shops so close. Indeed, [pas d'idées de développement]

2) Many theatres and cinemas:
Besides, you can find lots of activities like theatres or cinemas in a town. Today, all the town have one cinema at least. [pas d'idées de développement]

3) More job:
Then, there is more job in a town than in a country. In fact, many factories prefer set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bring advantages for the career like possibility of evolution.

4) More accomodation:
Finally, there is more and more people in town. Thereby, towns make more and more urban planning available to people like bus or underground. Consequently, *you* needn't take *your* car; if *you* want to move, *you* have just to pay a taxi. In fact, it is an economic and ecological action.

Voyez l'étendue de mon incapacité. Pourtant, je fais de mon mieux et ne passe pas par le français ! J'attends vos conseils et vos remarques avec impatience.

*…* Je me suis adressé au public avec un "tu", puis-je faire des apostrophes comme ceci dans un essay ?


Courtoisement,
Zadek

C'est très bien d'être exigent, Zadek, mais tu sais rien ne peut jamais être parfait. On se contente donc avec ce qu'on a fait après réflexion et un effort.

1. Les banques et magasins ne ferment pas entre midi et deux en ANgleterre, mais ferment 17h30 ou 18h le soir. Ce qui permet de faire ses courses à l'heure du repas. La proximité de magasins porte aussi la proximpité de fast-foods.
2. Autres activités: discos, clubs de jeunesse, chorales, sports (gymnase), danse, associations pour faire le théâtre (ou même les opérettes). Monuments à visiter.
3.

Then, there is more job in a town than in a country. In fact, many factories prefer____ set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bring advantages for the career like possibility of evolution.

4. Le "you" est parfaitement possible en écrit. (C'est d'ailleurs pas possible de savoir s'il s'agit de "tu" ou "vous" sans entendre le ton de voix!
Pour utiliser une langue plus appuyée, le "one" est possible. Prince Charles s'en sert tout le temps et on commence à croire que c'est un peu prétentieux, voire démodé.

Merci beaucoup pour toute l'aide que vous m'apportez, j'ai essayer de continuer !

I- TOWN


a) Positive arguments:

1) Shops at hand:
One of (the most important) advantages in the town is having shops so close. Indeed, we know that shops are open all the day until 5:30 pm or 6:00 pm, which is very important for the mothers because they can go to the supermarket when they have a little time. Besides, we can say fast-foods have overrened all the towns: it's interesting for people who don't have time or people who don't want to wook.


2) Many theatres and cinemas:
Besides, today towns offer lots of activities for young people like sports club, chorale; which is a considerable advantage for them because young people like come out ont the evening to go to the cinema or the theatre… But it's important for the families too because they like spend their time outside together and town presents much more exits than country like monuments to visit.

3) More job:
Then, there is more job in a town than in a country. In fact, many factories prefer set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bring advantages for the career like possibility of evolution.

4) More accomodation:
Finally, there is more and more people in town. Thereby, towns make more and more urban planning available to people like bus or underground. Consequently, you needn't take your car; if you want to move, you have just to pay a taxi. In fact, it is an economic and ecological action.

b) Negative arguments:

1) More pollution:
In the first place, the town is much more polluted than the country. Indeed, in a town, streets are usually so dirty that live in town become unbereable. Besides, the town's population is confronted with a lot of pollution because of the proximity with airports, motorways or railway stations. It is a very important drawback for people who have decided to live in town because they can't breathe a healthy air and because they put their life at risk.

J'ai coloré tous mes ajouts en bleu !
Merci encore de votre aide,
Zadek

Zadek a écrit :I- TOWN


a) Positive arguments:

1) Shops at hand:
One of the most important advantages in towns is having shops so close. Indeed, we know that shops are open all the day until 5:30 pm or 6:00 pm, which is very important for mothers because they can go to the supermarket when they have a little time. Besides, we can say that fast-foods have overrened(run, ran, run) all the towns: it's interesting for people who don't have much time or people who don't want to cook.


2) Many theatres and cinemas:
Besides, today's towns offer lots of activities for young people like sports clubs and choirs; which is a considerable advantage for them because *young people like go out ont the evening to go to the cinema or the theatre… But it's important for families too because they like spend their leisure time together and a town presents many more excursions than the country like monuments to visit.

3) More jobs:
Then, there are more jobs in a town than in the country. In fact, many factories prefer set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bringscareer advantages, like the possibility of evolution.

4) More accomodation:
Finally, there are more and more people in town. Thereby, towns make more and more urban planning available to people (e.g. bus or underground). Consequently, you needn't take your car; if you want to travel, you have just to pay a taxi. In fact, it is an economic and ecological action.

b) Negative arguments:

1) More pollution:
In the first place, the town is much more polluted than the country. Indeed, in a town, streets are usually so dirty that live in town become unbearable. Besides, the town's population is confronted with a lot of pollution because of the proximity with airports, motorways or railway stations. It is a very important drawback for people who have decided to live in town because they can't breathe healthy air and because they put their life at risk.

J'ai coloré tous mes ajouts en bleu !
Merci encore de votre aide,
Zadek

* This is not a conséquence of your first phrase!
I've sometimes cut words out of your piece. (When to use articles or not to use them is certainly confusing?even for the English.

What is this writing for? A magazine article? Homework?

C'est un travail vu en cours que nous avons réalisé pour apprendre les méthodes de l'essay. Nous n'avions pas à le rédiger mais je l'ai tout de même fait afin de me préparer à un futur devoir. Donc ni un devoir mais encore moins un article de magazine !

La forme n'est pas correcte, je le sais, mais je rédige chaque argument pour ensuite assembler le tout en un texte compacte (tout en respectant les consignes de forme).

- Pourquoi avoir remplacé "chorale" par "choirs" ? Je ne comprends pas le sens !
- Pourquoi dois-je absolument mettre "that" après "to say", le forme c'est bien: "to say to someone something", non ?
- Quelle est la signification de "leisure" ?
- Quelle nuance y-a-t-il entre to go out et to come out ?
- Ne peut-on pas éviter la répétition entre "to go out" et "to go to the cinema" ?
- Je ne comprends pas la construction de " to prefer"
- Pourquoi avoir mis entre parenthèse (e.g bus or underground) ?

Merci beaucoup de toute l'aide que vous m'avez fournit !
Sinon, c'est exact, j'ai revu tous mes cours et de nombreux cours de grammaire pendant les vacances mais les articles, c'est encore un sujet assez sensible !

Encore une toute petite question, comment dit-on en anglais "En + p.présent" ? Je l'ai traduit par un gérondif (?) → "Living in a town, …" Merci de m'éclairer.

Merci encore,
Zadelk

Zadek a écrit :- Pourquoi avoir remplacé "chorale" par "choirs" ? Je ne comprends pas le sens !
- Pourquoi dois-je absolument mettre "that" après "to say", le forme c'est bien: "to say to someone something", non ?
- Quelle est la signification de "leisure" ?
- Quelle nuance y-a-t-il entre to go out et to come out ?
- Ne peut-on pas éviter la répétition entre "to go out" et "to go to the cinema" ?
- Je ne comprends pas la construction de " to prefer"
- Pourquoi avoir mis entre parenthèse (e.g bus or underground) ?

Encore une toute petite question, comment dit-on en anglais "En + p.présent" ? Je l'ai traduit par un gérondif (?) → "Living in a town, …" Merci de m'éclairer.

- Because "chorale" is French!
- Only in direcct speech, with the associated quotation marks.
- Loisir.
- I am inside and want to go out. Someone on the outside sees me going out. He might ask me to come out. {Come out est aussi 'sortir du placard'.}
- Go out and go to are two different actions: sortir pour aller à….
- I seem to have left out a word!! Many factories prefer to set up in towns (or Businesses prefer to set up their factories in towns….)
- Because they are examples of what you'd just said.

A Gerund (in English) is a verbal noun form. Il takes the place of a noun and often becomes the subject of a sentence.
Living in France is difficult for the first few months.
Trying to help young students is not always easy.
Keeping on the right side of the law is never simple for delinquants.
Il me semble mieux d'utiliser l'infinitif pour le traduire en français
Vivre en France….
Essayer d'aider…
Se garder au bon côté….

En allant = while going; it still remains a present participle.

P.-S. "go out in the evening".

we know that shops are open all the day until 5:30 pm or 6:00 pm, which is very important for mothers

Isn't it important for fathers? For singles? For students? Basically, for everyone?
Rhhhalala, les clichés ont la vie dure, hein…
😉

C'est un message politique ou une aide en Anglais?

Une réaction à chaud. Mais si on y regarde de plus près, également une suggestion d'amélioration.

Merci pour votre aide, JSC. Je vais désormais faire les modifications, mais en attendant, je vous présente la suite de mon travail.

b) Negative arguments:

1) More pollution:
In the first place, the town is much more polluted than the country. Indeed, in a town, streets are usually so dirty that live in town become unbearable. Besides, the town's population is confronted with a lot of pollution because of the proximity with airports, motorways or railway stations. It is a very important drawback for people who have decided to live in town because they can't breathe healthy air and because they put their life at risk.

2) Noisy:
They, we can say that the town is a dynamic place, but it means that the town is a noisy place too. Indeed, living in an apartment in a town has a lot of inconveniences because of problems with the neighboors; for example, when a person decide to listen to music, all the apartment will hear that song. And even if you in a house, you will have much traffic in the road next to your door.

3) More crime:
Besides, there is more crime in the town than in the country. In fact, while living in a town, you run the risk to be mugged, to be raped, to be killed and to have your car stolen.[pas d'idées de développement]

4) Expensive housing:
Finally, when people go to live in the town, it's because they will find accommodations but what they don't know is that housing is more and more expensive. Indeed,[pas d'idées de développement]

Je viens de remarquer que je me suis trompé au titre d'un de mes arguments:

I- TOWN
4) Public transport

et non pas:

I- TOWN
4) More accommodations

Je vous ai mis en bleu ce que j'ai ajouté depuis mon dernier message, et vais modifier ce que vous m'avez corrigé !

Merci beaucoup,
Zadek

Zadek a écrit :b) Negative arguments:

1) More pollution:
In the first place, the town is much more polluted than the country. Indeed, in a town, streets are usually so dirty that life in town *becomes unbearable. Besides, the town's population is confronted with a lot of pollution because of the proximity of** airports, motorways or railway stations. It is a very important drawback for people who have decided to live in town because they can't breathe healthy air and because they put their life at risk.

2) Noisy:
They, ***we can say that the town is a °dynamic place, but it means that the town is a noisy place too. Indeed, living in an apartment in a town has a lot of inconveniences because of problems with the neighbours; for example, when a person decides to listen to music, all the apartments will hear that song. And even if you ______in a house, you will have much traffic in the road next to your**** door.

3) More crime:
Besides, there is more crime in the town than in the country. In fact, while living in a town, you run the risk of being mugged, raped, killed or to have your car stolen*****.[pas d'idées de développement]

4) Expensive housing:
Finally, when people go to live in the town, it's because they will find accommodation but what they don't know is that housing is more and more expensive. Indeed,[pas d'idées de développement]°°

Je viens de remarquer que je me suis trompé au titre d'un de mes arguments:

* or "is becoming".
** or "its proximity to"
*** I wouldn't use "we can say" in a written essay; it's rather a form of verbal expression (for an exposé to the class, for example).
**** or "in front of"
***** A strange order of examples. It seems that you think a car being stolen is worse than being murdered.
° or "lively".
°° Les prix diffèrent entre ancien et nouveau, appartement et maison, achat et location, des HLM, ainsi qu'entre les différents quartiers. En s'éloignant des services du centre-ville, on trouve moins cher. Quelque chose pour le budget de tout le monde.

Merci beaucoup !!
- Que pourrais-je mettre à la place de "We can say" ? (ne l'avais-je pas mis avant ?
- Pour l'ordre des exemples, nous avons étudiés un discours politique de Giuliani en cours et j'ai dû reprendre l'ordre sans m'en rendre compte…
- Pour votre argumentation, merci, mais il faut que ce soient des arguments négatifs.

Merci de votre aide,
Zadek

- "if it is true that….then….."
- Guilani parlait d'automobiles?
- Having to live on the outskirts of town owing to the high prices of housing is pretty negative in my view!