11 (Modifié par Sage des six chemins 03/11/2018 à 18:42)

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title was won after a lot of laudatory acts and the hero had sometimes to pay of his life.
Among all people which I know and who are regarded as a hero, I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose a story is worthy of the cinema and did the object of a new film now available since November 2016.

This man despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, thing which he respected, of never kill somebody or bear an arm he joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as nursing and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many of soldiers.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear an arm, thing that Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to don't kill someone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in a better place whereas someone else was able to get away probably and be in security.
Lastly, he went directly in enemy territory nursing before to be hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.

Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man was Desmond Doss, a man who never hurt or killed someone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of taken them


Voilà désolé pour le retard de ce message, je te remercie pour le temps que tu as passé à me corriger et l'aide que tu m'apportes et je vois ou vous voulez en venir Laoshi et Jehan, je vais dorénavant essayer de mieux m'appliquer à bien écrire même sur des forums

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

essayer de mieux m'appliquer à bien écrire même sur des forums

Et surtout sur un forum littéraire ! 
Merci d'avoir pris cette bonne résolution...

13

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

Ah c'est déjà nettement mieux, bravo ! Quelques mots que j'ai soulignés n'ont pas été corrigés correctement, mais dans l'ensemble vous avez fait un bon travail de correction. Quelques indices  :

- Whose + nom (pas d'article devant le nom)
- En anglais on dira plutôt que quelqu'un a été  le sujet d'un film, plutôt qu'il '"a fait l'objet" d'un film (expression idiomatique qu'on ne peut calquer en anglais)
- après des prépositions (of, for, instead of, before...) on doit mettre un nom. Exemple : "the point of the story is..." . Quand on veut y mettre un verbe, il faut d'une certaine manière déguiser le verbe en nom en lui ajoutant -ing : "the point of telling the story is..." (y compris lorsqu'il y a une négation entre la préposition et le verbe). Relisez votre texte et corrigez cela.
- lorsqu'on parle d'une profession, il faut souvent mettre un article indéfini devant, contrairement au français. "Je suis professeur -> I am a teacher. J'ai une formation d'avocat -> I was trained a a lawyer. Le mot que vous employez, "nurse", est le bon, mais il ne faut pas omettre l'article. Par ailleurs, à cause de la nature éminemment féminine du mot ("nurse" vient du français "nourrice", celle qui nourrit, d'ailleurs "to nurse" veut aussi dire allaiter), on aura tendance à dire "male nurse" lorsque la personne dont on parle est un homme.

14 (Modifié par Sage des six chemins 04/11/2018 à 11:49)

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

Voilà alors j'ai mis en vert les changements apportés

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title was won after a lot of laudatory acts and the hero had sometimes to pay of his life.
Among all people which I know and who are regarded as a hero, I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and was the subject  of a new film now available since November 2016.
This man despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, thing which he respected, of never kill somebody or bear an arm he joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as a male nurse (mais ici le fait de dire qu il rejoigne l armée comme un infirmier serait mal dit non? On pourrait enlever l article?) and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many of soldiers.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear an arm, thing that Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to don't kill someone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in a better place whereas someone else was able to get away probably and be in security.
Lastly, he went directly in enemy territory for healing before to be hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.
Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man was Desmond Doss, a man who never hurt or killed someone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of taken them.

Tu es là?

15

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

Voilas c'est pas mal.

Encore quelques remarques  :

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title was ici je mettrais plutôt "is" sinon on pense que vous parlez d'un événement en particulier, alors que c'est plutôt en général won after a lot of laudatory acts and the hero had sometimes to pay of his life.
Among all people which I know and who are regarded as a hero, I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and was the subject  of a new film now available since November 2016.
Votre sujet apparaît deux fois : "this man" et plus bas "he", ça ne se fait pas en anglais. This man despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, thing which he respected, of never kill somebody or bear an arm he joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as a male nurse (mais ici le fait de dire qu il rejoigne l armée comme un infirmier serait mal dit non? On pourrait enlever l article? Mais non, vous faites comme si l'anglais c'était du français... "As a nurse" signifie "en tant qu'infirmier". On ne met pas d'article en français et on en met en anglais parce que la grammaire n'est pas la même dans les deux langues !) and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many of pas besoin de of soldiers.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear an arm, thing that Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to don't la negation doit we mettre avant l'infinitif kill someone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in a better place whereas someone else was able to get away probably and be in security. plutôt "whereas he could have"
Lastly, he went directly in enemy territory for healing before +ing to be hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.
Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man was Desmond Doss, a man who never hurt or killed someone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of +ing taken them.

16 (Modifié par Sage des six chemins 04/11/2018 à 12:35)

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title is won peut-on dire "is won"? Car j'aurais plus dit "is win" after a lot of laudatory acts and the hero had sometimes to pay of his life.
Among all people which I know and who are regarded as a hero, I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and was the subject  of a new film now available since November 2016.
This man despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, thing which he respected, of never kill somebody or bear an arm joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as a male nurse and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many soldiers.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear an arm, thing that Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to never kill someone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in a better place whereas he could have get away and be in security.
Lastly, he went directly in enemy territory for healing before +ing (je n'ai pas compris, il y a déjà un ing à heal) to be hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.
Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man was Desmond Doss, a man who never hurt or killed someone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of taking them.

17

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

Voilà voilà, on s'approche ! Vous avez fait du bon travail ! Si vous avez encore le courage et le temps, on peut rajouter une couche de correction.

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title is won peut-on dire "is won"? Car j'aurais plus dit "is win" Vous auriez tord. "is win" n'existe pas, alors que "is won" = be + participe passé, c'est du passif et c'est grammaticalement correct. Il faut parfois se méfier de ce qu'on mettrait "à l'oreille", ou "à l'intuition", c'est généralement faux. after a lot of laudatory acts and the hero had sometimes to pay of his life.
Among all people which il faut mettre "who" car l'antécédent est animé (c'est-à-dire un être vivant) I know and who are regarded as a hero, I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and was the subject  of a new film now available since November 2016.
This man despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, something which he respected, of never killing somebody or bearing an arm c'est bien. Pour faire encore mieux, vous pouvez commencer la phrase par "despite the fact", et mettre votre sujet "this man" juste ici joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as a male nurse and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many soldiers.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear an arm, something that
Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to never "never" avant l'infinitif, c'est-à-dire avant la particule infinitive "to" kill someone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in a better place whereas he could have get Have + participe passé = "got" et non pas "get" away and be in security.
Lastly, he went directly in j'avais indiqué une faute à corriger : il faut penser à mettre une préposition qui exprime un déplacement (préposition dynamique et non pas statique) enemy territory for healing before +ing (je n'ai pas compris, il y a déjà un ing à heal oui mais vous auriez dû aussi en mettre un à "be" car il est placé après la préposition before) to be hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead of his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.
Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man was Desmond Doss mettre "was" après "Desmond Doss", car on met toujours le sujet avant le verbe dans une phrase déclarative, a man who never hurt or killed someone anyone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of taking them.

18

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

Comme cela c'est parfait?


There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title is won after a lot of laudatory acts and the hero had sometimes to pay of his life.
Among all people who I know and who are regarded as a hero, I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and was the subject  of a new film now available since November 2016.
Despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, something which he respected, of never killing somebody or bearing an arm this man joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as a male nurse and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many soldiers.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear an arm, something that
Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to never to kill someone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in a better place whereas he could have got away and be in security.
Lastly, he went directly into enemy territory for healing before to being hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead of his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.
Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man Desmond Doss was, a man who never hurt or killed someone anyone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of taking them.8

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

Quelques suggestions (en vert)

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero. (pluriel plutôt, non => heroes)
This title is won after a lot of laudatory acts (many acts of bravery and courage), the hero had sometimes to pay for it with his life.
Among all people who I know and who are regarded as a hero (heroes),  I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and has been subject of a very interesting film, available since November 2016.
Despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, something which he respected, of never killing somebody or bearing an arm, (despite the fact that he refused to kill an enemy soldier or carry a weapon into combat because of his personal beliefs, this man joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
It's thus that he joined the army as a male nurse (a medic) and went to heal a lot of soldiers at death's door for many soldiers.(on the verge of death)
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to wear (carry) an arm, something that
Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to never to kill someone (anyone).
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like at (during) the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all care necessary. (necessary care)
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, in (to) a better place whereas he could have got away and be in security (safe and secure).

20

Expression écrite en anglais sur Desmond Doss

-Ok alors merci pour ton aide, j'ai gardé la majorité des changements que tu m'as conseillé mais, je n'ai pas rajouté le "many acts of bravery and courage" à la place de "laudatory acts" car je préfère qu'au début on reste dans le flou au niveau des qualités de ce héro et que l'on annonce la couleur petit à petit.
-Ensuite pour "a medic" à la place de "a male nurse" je ne sais pas du coup lequel est le mieux adapté vu que cccc m'a conseillé l'un et toi l'autre.
-Pareille pour le "hero" et "heroes", cccc n'a pas réagis au hero donc c'est assez flou à ce niveau là et j'aurais plus mis au singulier car ici j'essaye plutôt de généraliser ce mot .
-Pour le "Among all people I know" je ne comprend pas pourquoi le who on doit l'enlever.
-Enfin pour la phrase (despite the fact that he refused to kill an enemy soldier or carry a weapon into combat because of his personal beliefs), je ne sais pas encore si je la place plutôt que celle qui est actuellement car vers la fin je parle encore d'ideal moral, donc j'hésite.

Voilà ce que ça donne:

There are a lot of men in this world who might be called hero.
This title is won after a lot of laudatory acts, the hero had sometimes to pay for it with his life.
Among all people who I know and who are regarded as a hero,  I decided to speak about Desmond Doss: a man whose story is worthy of the cinema and has been subject of a very interesting film, available since November 2016.
Despite the fact that he had as moral ideal, something which he respected, of never killing somebody or bearing an arm this man joined the army anyway to help his country during this "Dark period" called World War 2.
Thus he joined the army as a male nurse and went to heal a lot of soldiers on the verge of death.
Moreover, nurses were the principal target during the war and had to carry an arm, something that
Desmond Doss never respected because he wanted to keep his values and his faith to never to kill anyone.
Thus, he risked his own life to save lives of his comrades like during the battle of Okinawa: Often exposed under enemy fire, he gave all necessary care.
Another event, when his troops were attacked at the escarpment of Maeda, Desmond Doss transported  his comrades who were hurt, one by one, to  a better place whereas he could have got away and be safe and secure.
Lastly, he went directly into enemy territory for healing before to being hurt himself and to instruct his troops the transfert of others soldiers in priority instead of his.
In addition,  despite decorations of honor and titles that he won, Desmond Doss never saw himself like a hero.
Altruism, modesty, bravery and respect: here are principal qualities that had Desmond Doss and who are real qualities that a hero must have.
Here is what type of man Desmond Doss was, a man who never hurt or killed someone anyone, who kept loyal at his moral ideal and who saved plenty of lives in times of war instead of taking them.