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Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

Bonjour, voici mon texte, je voulais savoir si je pouvais me le faire corriger par quelqu'un svp

During all those presentations I had so much fun discovering each presentation,  I loved the exercise and wish we could have more of them during this year. I enjoyed most of them but some other didn’t really catch my attention, for this report I’d like to say that the choice wasn’t easy for me. I saw so much creativity and so much warriors on stage..
I based my comparison on 3 major criteria: hook, slide, and the attitude of the candidates.
I chose three classmate: Clara “FREEZY”, Stephanie “Mnemosyne“ and Amélia with “ easy life the adjustable car”.
Clara’s hook was really soft and interesting, she used the word “imagine”, she invites the audience to create a mental image of what she was describing. -Ever since John Lennon's famous song, it has become a powerful word with emotional appeal- so that was smart,  at the same times she tells about her two favorite hobbies in life in few words and a cute slide colorful and full of Happiness, she shows a picture of an amazing place with a lac and nature by telling us that it is the place where she lives, so she tooks only few seconds to grab attention.
Stephani’s hook was a little bit obscure because she starts with a presentation with dark colors and a lot of information,. she didn’t use any illustrations to get across key concepts  add to this her choice of a commanding voice and a straight face was too much and I think that ruined her hook. at some point she asks coldly if we have a precious memory to share and to tell about but nobody wants to go on and that was a little bit embarrassing, whilst Amélia was much more spontaneous, she didn’t really had a hook, However, that does not prevent good understanding of  her presentation’s subject, in addition she was smiling and that’s why we, listner, form a good impression of her.
Clara’s voice was a little bit shaky, it seems like she hesitate and wasn’t really sure that we likes her product, which was totally wrong, that was really interesting. Stephani spoke fluently without any tic but as mentioned before, a commanding and quite serious voice and I guess it has been done on purpose because her work seems to be based on a very scientific basis, while Amélia spoke loudly enough so everyone in her audience can hear her. I think she was  comfortable with her message and that makes it a lot easier to deliver, I think she was really prepared and that help her feel confident enough to stop the shaking voice from creeping up on her.

In conclusion, I hesitate between Clara’s presentation and Amélia’s one.  But I clearly loved the fact that Clara was passionate about her Product, even at the end she come up with  a “prototype” of her Freezly. Although she was nervous, she was aware of the audience response, she  maintained eye contact and managed to keep focus and smiling throughout. Furthermore, she had clear background colour, her product was realistic and the price was reasonable. she use short phrases , pictures and avoids long texts on her slide.
The quality of the information she presented was clear and soft.she provide enough details to support the point of the presentation but not too many unnecessary details. In addition her Vocabulary was easy to understand, and she spoke in clear and fluent manner.Furthermore, she used a good hand and arm gestures and  body movement, with no fidgeting.
Amélia’s  pace was varied and not too rushed, her  pronunciation and articulation were clear and she was in control of subject matter whereas Stephanie didn’t explain unknown words with the result that most of the presentation was unclear.
Moreover, Clara walks from side to side and looks at different parts of the audience, and she was far more efficient in dealing with questions then the two others. and finally her Idea was original and simple, so that is why she is my favorite one.

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

bonsoir

attention aux temps : il faut bien garder le temps du preterit (simple past)

mon texte, je voulais savoir si je pouvais me le faire corriger par quelqu'un svp

During all those presentations I had so much fun discovering each presentation,  I loved the exercise and wish we could have had more of them during this year. I enjoyed most of them but some otherS didn’t really catch my attention.For this report I’d like to say that the choice wasn’t easy for me. I saw so much creativity and so much warriors on stage..
I based my comparison on THREE major criteria: hook, slide, and the attitude of the candidates.
I chose three classmateS: Clara “FREEZY”, Stephanie “Mnemosyne“ and Amélia with “ easy life the adjustable car”.
Clara’s hook was really soft and interesting, she used the word “imagine”, she inviteD the audience to create a mental image of what she was describing. -Ever since John Lennon's famous song, it has become a powerful word with emotional appeal- so that was A smart MOVE . Moreover, she tOLD US  about her two favorite hobbies in life in few words and a cute slide colorful and full of happiness, she showED a picture of an amazing place with a lac and nature AND she caught our attention in the wink of an eye by telling us that that was the place where she lived.
Stephanie’s hook was a little bit obscure because she startED her presentation with dark colors and a lot of information,. She didn’t use any illustrations to get  key concepts across In addition, her choice of a commanding voice and a straight face were too harsh and I think that ruined her hook. At one point she coldly  asked us  if we have a precious memory to share and to tell about but nobody wantED to join in and that was a little bit embarrassing, whilst Amélia was much more spontaneous, she didn’t really had a hook, However, that dID not prevent us from understanding the subject of her presentation well In addition she was smiling and that’s why we,as an audience ,had a good impression of her.
Clara’s voice was a little bit shaky, it seemED AS IF she WAS HESITATING and wasn’t really sure that we likeD her product, which was totally wrong, that was really interesting. StephaniE spoke fluently without any hesitationS but as mentioned before,IN a commanding and quite serious voice and I guess itWAS done on purpose because her work seemED to be based on a very scientific basis(répétitions basis, base ici mettre : facts) while Amélia spoke loudly enough so everyone in her audience COULD hear her. I think she was  comfortable with her message and that MADE it a lot easier to deliver, I think she was really WELL- prepared and that helpED her feel confident enough to stop the shaking of her voice from creeping up on her.

In conclusion, I hesitate between Clara and Amélia.  But I clearly loved the fact that Clara was passionate about her product, even at the end she cAme up with  a “prototype” of her Freezly. Although she was nervous, she was aware of the audience response, she  maintained eye contact and managed to keep focus and smiled all the time . Furthermore, she had clear background colour(désolée , je ne comprends pas) her product was realistic and the price was reasonable. she useD short SENTENCES , pictures and avoidED long texts on her slide.
The quality of the information she presented was clear and SMOOTH.She provided US WITH enough details to support the point of the presentation. In addition her vocabulary was easy to understand, and she spoke inA clear and fluent manner.Furthermore,she HAD A GOOD COMPOSURE 
Amélia’s  pace was varied and not too rushed, her  pronunciation and articulation were clear and shE KNEW HER SUBJECT WELL whereas Stephanie didn’t explain unknown words with the result that most of the presentation was unclear.
Moreover, Clara walkED from ONE  side to THE OTHER  and looKED  AT the audience, and she was far more efficient in dealing with questions thAn the two others. finally her idea was different and simple, so that is why she is my favorite one.




voilà je n'arrive pas à faire toutes les corrections en couleurs donc j'ai mis des majuscules
good luck!!

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Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

Merci beaucoup fidji !!!!

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

You're welcome!!

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

Moi aussi j'ai eu des problèmes avec les couleurs il ya quelque temps. La réponse ne voulait pas " partir" parce que le pavé ou la balise (?) couleur était " encore ouvert en lui-méme" ( sic) et qu'il fallait d'abord le " fermer". Or comment le " fermer"?
J'ai ,après des minutes d'énervement sur la machine récalcitrante, contacté le modérateur.
Je vois que Fidji s'est aussi battue avec le bb code couleur, c'est vrai qu'il faut le réactiver chaque fois qu'on en a besoin, il ne reste pas prêt à l'emploi le temps du corrigé.

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

Bonjour Oma, je t'ai envoyé un message privé. L'as-tu vu ?

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

Oui, j'ai vu. Et répondu.

8

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

Bonsoir,
Est-ce que cette phrase est correcte ? c'est inclue dans mon résumé

"With a good interpersonal skills and solid knowledge in Computer Science, I am fully committed to pursuing this path by joining a challenging structure."

Et merci.

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

bonsoir

Que veux tu dire pas "interpersonal skills"?



Merci!

10

Demande de correction d'un texte en anglais

J'ai écrit "Doté d'un bon sens relationnel et.." dans google translate et ça m'a donné ça "interpersonal skills"
Une suggestion SVP !?