Zadek a écrit :

"The town is interesting for ______activities which it offers us, indeed, the town is more dynamic than the country. For example, living in town allow us to have shops at hand, we needn't take the car to go to the supermarkets. Moreover, the town is an opening to the culture thanks to the nearness with cinemas or theatres, we can say it's an open-mindedness on the world. As for meads of transport, the town presents a lot of advantages: bus, *subway ; To move become (result ?) very easy. Finally, living in town is a luck for his career because of the presence of many factories which prefer set up in towns where theyr are sure to find candidates when theyr search ones. That's why mayors prefer_______ install industrial estates where compagny managers can request a place for their business."

Il faudrait éviter de traduire ton essai français en anglais, pour passer à l'étape qui consiste à construire des phrases directement en anglais, même si elles te semblent plus simples.

Bonjour,

Merci de votre aide mais je n'ai pas fais d'essai en français ! J'ai directement construit mes phrases en anglais ! Sinon, tout ce qui est souligné comporte des erreurs ?

Zadek

Dernière modification par Zadek (17/04/2008 12:22)

Ah!
Oui, les soulignements montrent des expressions à corriger.
Parfois c'est un accord de verbe avec le sujet, parfois c'est un  mauvaix choix dans la forme du verbe (conjugué, gérondive, infinitif...),parfois c'est que je ne comprends pas ce que tu veux dire.

* Subway est américain.

Tu porrais faire une petite expansion de "activities" en mentionnant quelques unes.

Bonjour,

Merci encore de toute votre aide ! Ne devrais-je pas tout simplement recommencer ? Et repartir sur de meilleures bases ?

Zadek

Si tu as le temps.

Towns have a good reputation for services and amenities. One may well choose to live there because.....

Young people like to go out together.....


Liviing and working in towns, young mothers don't have much time for lunch....

Ok.
Mais j'ai du mal à développer mes arguments ! Je ne sais pas comment étoffer mes parties... Un conseil ?

"One may well choose to live there because" Je ne comprends pas celle-ci.

Merci beaucoup pour l'aide fournie, je vous rendrais compte de mon travail,
Zadek

Dernière modification par Zadek (17/04/2008 13:33)

C'était très sympathique de votre part de me proposer d'autres arguments mais je ne peux, malheureusement, ajouter ou modifier ceux vus en cours. J'ai retenté l'histoire, je trouve cela encore plus médiocre que le premier essai, ce n'est pas assez développé etc... Je ne sais plus quoi faire, un sentiment de nullité m'envahit de jour en jour.

1) Shops at hand:
One of (the most important) advantages in the town is having shops so close. Indeed, [pas d'idées de développement]

2) Many theatres and cinemas:
Besides, you can find lots of activities like theatres or cinemas in a town. Today, all the town have one cinema at least. [pas d'idées de développement]

3) More job:
Then, there is more job in a town than in a country. In fact, many factories prefer set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bring advantages for the career like possibility of evolution.

4) More accomodation:
Finally, there is more and more people in town. Thereby, towns make more and more urban planning available to people like bus or underground. Consequently, *you* needn't take *your* car; if *you* want to move, *you* have just to pay a taxi. In fact, it is an economic and ecological action.

Voyez l'étendue de mon incapacité. Pourtant, je fais de mon mieux et ne passe pas par le français ! J'attends vos conseils et vos remarques avec impatience.

*...* Je me suis adressé au public avec un "tu", puis-je faire des apostrophes comme ceci dans un essay ?


Courtoisement,
Zadek

Dernière modification par Zadek (21/04/2008 16:04)

C'est très bien d'être exigent, Zadek, mais tu sais rien ne peut jamais être parfait. On se contente donc avec ce qu'on a fait après réflexion et un effort.

1. Les banques et magasins ne ferment pas entre midi et deux en ANgleterre, mais ferment  17h30 ou 18h le soir. Ce qui permet de faire ses courses à l'heure du repas. La proximité de magasins porte aussi la proximpité de fast-foods.
2. Autres activités: discos, clubs de jeunesse, chorales, sports (gymnase), danse, associations pour faire le théâtre (ou même les opérettes). Monuments à visiter.
3.

Then, there is more job in a town than in a country. In fact, many factories prefer____ set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bring advantages for the career like possibility of evolution.

4. Le "you" est parfaitement possible en écrit. (C'est d'ailleurs pas possible de savoir s'il s'agit de "tu" ou "vous" sans entendre le ton de voix!
Pour utiliser une langue plus appuyée, le "one" est possible. Prince Charles s'en sert tout le temps et on commence à croire que c'est un peu prétentieux, voire démodé.

Merci beaucoup pour toute l'aide que vous m'apportez, j'ai essayer de continuer !

I- TOWN


   a) Positive arguments:

1) Shops at hand:
One of (the most important) advantages in the town is having shops so close. Indeed, we know that shops are open all the day until 5:30 pm or 6:00 pm, which is very important for the mothers because they can go to the supermarket when they have a little time. Besides, we can say fast-foods have overrened all the towns: it's interesting for people who don't have time or people who don't want to wook.


2) Many theatres and cinemas:
Besides, today towns offer lots of activities for young people like sports club, chorale; which is a considerable advantage for them because young people like come out ont the evening to go to the cinema or the theatre... But it's important for the families too because they like spend their time outside together and town presents much more exits than country like monuments to visit.

3) More job:
Then, there is more job in a town than in a country. In fact, many factories prefer set up in towns because they can be sure that they will have a lot of candidates for their jobs. Thus, living in a town bring advantages for the career like possibility of evolution.

4) More accomodation:
Finally, there is more and more people in town. Thereby, towns make more and more urban planning available to people like bus or underground. Consequently, you needn't take your car; if you want to move, you have just to pay a taxi. In fact, it is an economic and ecological action.

   b) Negative arguments:

1) More pollution:
In the first place, the town is much more polluted than the country. Indeed, in a town, streets are usually so dirty that live in town become unbereable. Besides, the town's population is confronted with a lot of pollution because of the proximity with airports, motorways or railway stations. It is a very important drawback for people who have decided to live in town because they can't breathe a healthy air and because they put their life at risk.

J'ai coloré tous mes ajouts en bleu !
Merci encore de votre aide,
Zadek

Dernière modification par Zadek (22/04/2008 17:16)