J'ai fais la correction :

II- COUNTRY:

  1- Positive arguments:

     c) No pollution:
Then, the country isn't as affected by the pollution as the town. Indeed, country roads are taken by few cars a day and only the country's inhabitants use their car. After that, the countries are not usually related to the train, the plane or the underground... Moreover, people who live in the country respects the cleanness of the nature. So, it is true that the country is not  polluted a lot, which is a very important advantage for the people's health.

    d) People help each other more:
Besides, the point that there's less people in the country than in the town eases relations and people help each other more. In fact, people who live in a village will tend to know each other, which is a big advantage for the integration. Moreover, if you have a problem, all the people would give you help: it brings friendly relationships and a  climate of trust.

  2- Negative arguments:

    a) Few things to do:
To begin with, the most important drawback of living in the country is the absence of activities. Indeed, when a family move out to go to the country, it has to think about what its children would be able to do. In fact, the country offers its inhabitants very few activities, or even no activities. It is very tricky for the children because they can't practise sport in a club without travelling, they can't take part in the theatre, there isn't holiday activity center for schoolchildren to spend their holidays. It is awkward for young people too who wants go out to see a film at the cinema or to see a theatre play... Then, the family can't stay in the surrounding area if it wants to spend its weekend because there are not many activities to do in the country.

    b) Far from everything:
Finally, living in the country is living cut off from everything. Indeed, the country is not very lively, that's why factories prefer to set up somewhere else and the country's inhabitants are more and more dependent on the towns. In fact, the villages usually offer children a school but there is no secondary school and they have to go to the town by bus if the village is included in the distance of a bus, otherwise they have to go there by car. Moreover, there is seldom  a grocery shop and hardly ever a supermarket; so mothers have to take her car to do some shopping. And when you work,you would have difficulties to find a decent job so you have to go to the town too. So living in the country is very inconvenient because you need take your car several times during the week.

* Not true! There is very little public transport in the country (in France) so we have to use our cars a lot.

Oui, j'avais remarqué que je me contredisais avec la suite en copiant, mais je n'avais pas beaucoup de temps !

** Country = la campagne, mais country = pays aussi!

Je ne comprends pas cette remarque ? Mon utilisation de country prête-t-elle à confusion dans ces paragraphes ?

***Not really true either! Insecticides and chemical fertilisers really mess up the water!

Il faut toujours que j'exagère ! Sincèrement, je n'ai pas fait attention, c'est vrai que la campagne est polluée, comme partout...

****less = moins (on ne peut pas les compter), fewer = comparitif de few (one peut les compter)

Oui, j'ai revu ça pendant les vacances, mais l'utilisation de not as ... as est-elle si peu répandue ?

° Although English people will recognise this American word which is sometimes also applied in England, I would prefer 'Secondary School'.

Oui, je l'avais appris mais j'avais un doute et mon dictionnaire ne semblait pas me l'indiquer (j'ai certainement mal regardé) !

Fresh air
No pavements
Natural drainage
Country walks
Horse Riding
Bicycle
Jogging
Gardening
Sunbathing
Barbecue
Nosy neighbours
Fruit stealers
Garage sales
Feast of Saint John with bonfire

Serait-ce de nouveaux arguments que je vois là ? C'est très gentil, mais comme je vous l'ai indiqué, je ne peux utiliser d'autres arguments...

You're starting to be rather repetitive in your words ("activities" for instance) and arguments.

Oui, c'est une très bonne remarque que je ne nie pas mais temporellement parlant, je n'ai plus le temps de recommencer mon texte. Etant donné que c'est un travail personnel, je rendrais ceci à mon professeur et le retravaillerais par la suite !
Plusieurs facteurs favorisent la répétition dans mon essay: le plan, j'aurais dût utiliser un plan qui compare arguments positifs et arguments négatifs des deux lieux, ce qui réduit considérablement les répétitions. Mais bon, c'est un enseignement qu'il m'aura été utile de tirer...

Ensuite, le style. J'ai essayé de me débrouiller au maximum, en utilisant le moins possible le dictionnaire (-_-) et je remarque que c'est mon vocabulaire qui me conduit à me répéter, etc... Je vais m'appliquer à apprendre le vocabulaire de cette expression écrite, celui de mon cours, des modules, ... Mais comment améliorer mon vocabulaire ? Verbes irréguliers: appris. Faire des fiches de vocabulaires, oui, mais je ne sais pas comment sélectionner le vocabulaire, et j'aimerais des conseils de votre part car vous connaissez beaucoup de vocabulaire, et vos méthodes seraient les bienvenues !


Je réfléchis en même temps que j'écris et une idée vient de traverser mon esprit. Je vais rendre ce travail à mon professeur, en corrigeant les fautes de grammaire, et je recommencerais ma rédaction avec plus d'arguments plus personnels, et pourquoi pas en utiliser d'autres... Après tout, je travaille pour moi et non pour le personnel enseignant.

Gras-souligné: mes modifications.
Gras: Vos modifications.
Rouge: Je n'ai pas compris ^^

Merci de votre investissement,
Zadek

PS: Petite chose que je pensais avoir compris, mais apparemment non. People, c'est du type He, She, It ou du type You, We, They ?

Dernière modification par Zadek (26/04/2008 20:01)

Don't worry. it's already not bad at all. 
I don't pretend to have been exhaustive, though.
For style, try putting your adverbs somewhere other than at the beginning of sentences.

Zadek a écrit :

1- Positive arguments:

     c) No pollution:
Then, the country isn't as affected by the pollution as the town. Indeed, country roads are taken by °few cars a day and only the country's inhabitants use their car. After that, the °°countries are not usually related to the train, the plane or the underground... Moreover, °°°people who live in the country respects the cleanness of         nature. So, it is true that the country is not  polluted a lot, which is a very important advantage for          people's health.

    d) People help each other more:
Besides, the point that °°°°there's less people in the country than in the town eases °°°°°relations and people help each other more. In fact, people who live in a village will tend to know each other, which is *a big advantage for the integration. Moreover, if you have a problem, all the people would give you help: it brings friendly relationships and a  climate of trust.

  2- Negative arguments:

    a) Few things to do:
To begin with, the most important drawback of living in the country is the absence of **activities. Indeed, when a family ***move out to go to the country, it has to think about what its children would be able to do. In fact, the country offers its inhabitants very few activities, or even no activities. It is very tricky for the children because they can't practise sport in a club without travelling, they can't take part in the theatre, there isn't a holiday activity center for schoolchildren to spend their holidays in. It is awkward for young people°°° too who wants go out to see a film at the cinema or      a theatre play... Then, the family can't stay in the surrounding area if it wants to spend its weekend because there are not many activities to do in the country.

    b) Far from everything:
Finally, living in the country is living cut off from everything. Indeed, the country is not very lively, that's why factories prefer to set up somewhere else and the country's inhabitants are more and more dependent on the towns. In fact, the villages usually offer children a school but there is no secondary school and they have to go to the town by bus if the village is included on the bus route, otherwise they have to go there by car. Moreover, there is seldom  a grocery shop and hardly ever a supermarket; so mothers have to take their car to do some shopping. And when you work,you would have difficulties to find a decent job so you have to go to the town too. So living in the country is very inconvenient because you need take your car several times during the week.

less = moins (on ne peut pas les compter), fewer = comparitif de few (one peut les compter)
Oui, j'ai revu ça pendant les vacances, mais l'utilisation de not as ... as est-elle si peu répandue ?****

Fresh air                          Air Pollution
No pavements                             Walking to school in the mud
Natural drainage                          Fewer chemicals

Ensuite, le style. J'ai essayé de me débrouiller au maximum, en utilisant le moins possible le dictionnaire***** (-_-) et je remarque que c'est mon vocabulaire qui me conduit à me répéter, etc... Je vais m'appliquer à apprendre le vocabulaire de cette expression écrite, celui de mon cours, des modules, ... Mais comment améliorer mon vocabulaire ?¹
²et j'aimerais des conseils de votre part car vous connaissez beaucoup de vocabulaire, et vos méthodes seraient les bienvenues !

°(only a) few cars each day
°°The countries = les pays (France, Angleterre, Danemark....)
°°°One person, several persons, many people (plural:we, You, they!)
°°°°There are fewer
°°°°°personal relations or relationships is better
*advantageous is a good word (beneficial, encouraging, which favours.....)
** things to do, or leisure time activities, occupation for your free time
***Interesting! A family (singular?) is a collective noun which implies more than one person. So we should treat it as a plural noun. (The singular 'move' suggests a subjunctive use).
****No, it's fine as a formula
*****An English dictionary gives you synonmes
¹ Lire beaucoup
² C'est très gentil, mais je n'ai pas de méthode! Je suis bilingue!!